journal+6-+narrative

"hey dad, when are we going to grandmas? This weekend? pleassseeee?" I asked, I asked this often. Although she wasn't my real grandmother because my father lost his parents when he was very young. But this woman was a mother to him, And to all of his brothers and sisters. I loved that place.... A small, poor house, falling apart, Not the most attractive home, But it was still very fun...I really liked it there. I asked to go see her often. "Yea, we will see her this weekend." My dad replied. Myself being young and foolish actually believed him... He would always say we would do something and we never would. So I wanted to make sure... "promise?" I asked, my voice cracked because my dad would probably be annoyed. "I promise." he said, not smiling nor frowning. Just serious. I believed him. That weekend i didn't see my grandmother, maybe my dad didn't want to go? Maybe it brought back his horrible childhood memories of how he lost his real mother, or how his father was a drunk and killed my fathers brother. Maybe that was it. But he still promised me I would see her. The following weekend I asked again, and the same process occurred. "promise dad?" "yes I promise? This time it wasn't the same, he had a sad face. A face I could spot on my father from a mile away... as he does not look sad often.

That weekend I did not see her. That weekend my grandmother died. Died of old age. I was furious. I was only 9 but I was angry, angry at my dad for not letting me see her before she died. If I would've seen her the past weekend I would of been able to say goodbye... the last goodbye. Maybe he didn't let me see her because he knew she was dying... and me.. being that age, did not understand death. I did not understand it. It was a horrible thing in my eyes then. Me being that age I didn't understand that my grandma was weak, skinny and dying. I still smiled when I saw her, not knowing she would pass away anytime soon.

I went to the funeral, surrounded by some of my dads brothers and sisters I never met. people crying, sobbing, hurt that the nice elderly lady has passed away. I walked toward the casket. "aidan dont go up there son" My dad said... he sounded scared. But I still walked, I reached it and I felt cold. I stood infront of her open casket And whispered... "goodbye grandma marry, Ill miss you." While staring at her lifeless body in the casket. I miss her.